Daddy Might Just Do This

I let Daddy sleep in till 11a.m., so when he got up, I asked him as he was heading down the stairs, to get the kiddo some apple juice.  He comes back upstairs with his huge, manly coffee cup and as he walks by, I hear him spit out his drink and mumble under his breath, "crap, that's not coffee".  He comes in my room with a sour look on his face, so I say "apple juice in the coffee cup again?".

Sucka

If you hear you child in the other room saying "yummy, sucka", you might want to go in there and save their tongue from being rubbed raw by a pink nail file.

Foaming at the Mouth

If your little one is outside playing, try not to panic when you see them walk in the door screaming while foam and bubbles are coming out of their mouth.   They likely DO NOT have rabies, it's probably just that they found the bubbles you forgot to pick up off the patio.  These next few diapers are gonna be fun.

Too Hot To Handle

If you ask your two year old to bring you their pants, be ready to be handed a pair of Daddy's boxers that happen to say "too hot to handle" around the waist band.  On top of that, be prepared to witness a mini tantrum when you try to explain to them that these are NOT their pants.

Puffy Pants

I've come to realize that children not only say the darndest things, but they DO the darndest things too.  If your child comes in the room and their pants look a little puffy (or a lot puffy), don't be surprised if when you go to change them, it's not bodily fluids you find inside the diaper, because it might just be a whole freaking roll of toilet paper shoved in there.  Baby really did have back!

Recycled Water

If you child comes in the room where you are cleaning with a mouth full of liquid, don't assume it's water from their sippy cup.  You may be terrified to find out that Daddy left the toilet seat up, and that is indeed recycled water they are swishing around in their mouth.  At least it was flushed water.